Ok, I admit it…..sometimes I have a weird way of looking at things. A few years ago, after enduring the dreaded colonoscopy procedure, I shared some thoughts with close friends about a spiritual analogy that kept coming to my mind. They cautioned me not to blog about it for fear the point might be lost in the end (pun intended….). A few days ago, I had to undergo an endoscopy. Since this procedure dealt with the north end instead of the south end, I thought maybe my “insights” would be easier to swallow….
Laying on the prep bed, with a skimpy sheet inadequately covering my drafty hospital gown, I was feeling increasingly chilled and vulnerable. Maybe doctors find us easier to work with if we are completely humbled first, after all, there has to be some reason for the wait. All prepped, IV in my arm, anxious to get this over with…..I waited….and waited. It didn’t help that I was in a room full of patients recovering from the south end procedure, whose bodies were making humorous sounds to the delight of the staff. I tried to dismiss the comment my husband made before the nurse took me in….”gee, I hope they don’t use the same tube….” It didn’t fill me with confidence when the nurse paused and said, “oh, you’re getting an endoscopy….let me turn you around and wheel you in head first…”
The thought of having a camera sliding down my throat, taking pictures all the way to my small intestine, was unnerving and I welcomed the sedative. I had been having occasional debilitating pain in swallowing for a number of years, and I was looking forward to finding the cause and fixing the problem. I was fascinated by the pictures the doctor showed us afterward, and thought, truly, we are “fearfully and wonderfully made!” David spoke these words in Psalms 139. He concluded his psalm of praise with this passionate request, ‘Search me, O God, and know my heart…..see if there is any wicked way in me…..lead me in the way everlasting.” The Hebrew word for search in this passage is “chaqar,” and it means “to examine intimately, to penetrate.” I thought of the many passages that refer to God’s word as “light.” “The entrance of Your Words gives light. It gives understanding to the simple” (Psalms 119:130). Physically speaking, the penetrating light of that tiny camera revealed the cause of my difficulty and I was given a prescription to promote healing. Without that light, I would never have known what was causing the pain. Spiritually speaking, God alone “reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness and light dwells with Him” (Daniel 2:22). Going through this experience reminded me that I have a daily need to ask God to examine me, for “who can understand his errors? Cleanse me from secret faults, keep back your servant from presumptuous (arrogant) sins” Psalm 19:12-13. God will show us the things in our lives that are hurting us spiritually, if we really want to know. I think sometimes we feel vulnerable, as if we are wearing that skimpy hospital gown, afraid someone may see our backside. We would rather go through life sedated. But God alone offers complete healing, life everlasting, for “God is the Lord, and He has given us light” (Psalm 118:27).